


Captains Log

by DearDaisy (Sunsetdaydreams)



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Cologne, Crack Fic, Diary/Journal, Everyone lives, M/M, Research and Experiments, Shower gel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-19 01:07:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29866833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sunsetdaydreams/pseuds/DearDaisy
Summary: Derek can so tell when I take too much adderall. He always scrunches his nose up as if I smell bad and glares at me angrily. Last night he aggressively cooked me food while giving me a sudoku puzzle book. Asshole. Those things are freaking addictive.But it got me wondering, if werewolf noses are so perceptive they can tell how much adderall I’ve taken, what are they like with other smells? Everyday smells. Body smells.So here starts my Captains Log detailing their reactions to different types of shower gel, body wash, body spray and cologne.
Relationships: Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski
Comments: 6
Kudos: 120





	Captains Log

**Author's Note:**

> This was born after talking about scents and smell on the Eternal Sterek discord server.

**Captains Log Day 0:**

Derek can so tell when I take too much adderall. He always scrunches his nose up as if I smell bad and glares at me angrily. Last night he aggressively cooked me food while giving me a sudoku puzzle book. Asshole. Those things are freaking addictive.

But it got me wondering, if werewolf noses are so perceptive they can tell how much adderall I’ve taken, what are they like with other smells? Everyday smells. Body smells.

So here starts my Captains Log detailing their reactions to different types of shower gel, body wash, body spray and cologne.

Hmm, wonder if catnip has any effect on them? Or camomile? Nah, their metabolism probably burns through them too quickly.

  
  
  


**Captains Log Day 1:**

Covered myself in Axe body spray, even I was gagging a bit and had to leave my room pretty promptly for some fresh air. Scott didn’t seem to notice, still hugged me just like normal. 

The others at least wrinkled their noses although Jackson refused to even be in the same room as me. So bonus points for that. 

It was actually quite a nice day without him although Erica and Isaac did throw me in the lake but it was great fun seeing as they all joined me. 

Even Derek cracked a smile. I thought I was hallucinating. 

Lydia, my goddess, of course supervised from dry land but looked amazing doing it.

Jury’s still out on Axe body spray though, maybe tomorrow try it again just not as much.

  
  


**Captains Log Day 4:**

Scott still seems utterly oblivious, I can’t stop grinning like a loon and laughing about it but he’s happy that I’m happy. So you know, at least he's getting best bro points. But for a werewolf with a super sniffer, he’s proving there's nothing super or even ordinary about it.

Although buying this much shower gel and cologne is not cheap. Might have to ask Scott for some gas money.

But Axe body spray is out. One Million by Paco Rabanne has earned me a few appreciative sniffs. I’ve ruled out applying anything liberally but I like the smell too. 

I should really just be trying shower gel first but I was too eager. 

Maybe I could test pack smells?

Hmmm.

  
  
  


**Captains Log Day 7:**

Herbal Essences shower gel is a winner. Erica kept leering at me and nuzzling my neck whenever we were in a crowded room.

Scott kept close to me but that’s nothing new, but he did at least look torn between me and Allison for a split second. 

I did notice Isaac inching closer to me on several occasions and using any excuse to be near me. I’m putting it down to the body wash but need further testing to be sure.

So to summarise, repeat and try with other scents by this manufacturer.

  
  
  


**Captains Log Day 8:**

I think Herbal Essences is stronger than I realised or we’ve got two winners in a row. But then Versace Eros does boast of a fresh nautical scent. 

Maybe in future leave a day in between different colognes? Or just shower more thoroughly. 

Wait, did I use both? 

Maybe I need a new chart.

  
  
  


**Captains Log Day 10:**

Smelling of Allison was strangely not a success with Scott. He just looked constipated and confused around me and kept shooting Allison betrayed puppy dog looks. 

Allison has now refused to ever hug me again.

FAIL!!

NEVER REPEAT!!!

  
  
  


**Captains Log Day 11:**

At least Allison’s scent wasn’t strong and long lasting like some of the others. Scott seems to have forgiven me and is back to his normal self but he brought Allison the biggest bunch of flowers I’ve ever seen with so many of my favourite chocolates. Why didn’t he get me any chocolates? I’m doing this experiment for them!

  
  
  


**Captains Log Day 14:**

I refused to give up after the Allison debacle and was determined to try as many other members of the pack that I could. Well, the human members first, or at least, the non werewolf pack members first.

But I gave it a few days. Didn't want anyone getting suspicious.

Of course the love of my life had already guessed. Eau de Lydia, best day of my life, and also, worst. 

Lydia, my goddess and the most beautiful woman to ever walk the planet, hugged me. And I hugged her back. I didn’t even want to try to kiss her, or cop a feel. What is wrong with me?? Maybe I’m coming down with something. 

Maybe Jackson is too, he growled at me, threatened that if I ever hurt her he’d poison me with his Kanima venom and throw me in the lake. Which, he thinks I’m in Lydia’s league??? He on crack?! What the hell is happening?

  
  
  


**Captains Log Day 17:**

Thought I’d branch out and try a werewolf. A female one. 

Erica still scared the living daylights out of me, and with the innuendo’s, I didn't dare ask her. She would definitely agree, of that I had no doubt, but there would be touching that I wasn't sure I was ready for. Nor was I ready for Boyd to pummel me. Not that he actually would, but something told me not to get on his bad side. 

Therefore I spent the day smelling of Cora. 

Derek gave me the stink eye once and then ignored me. 

Isaac spent the day staring at us suspiciously. 

Scott didn’t notice anything, hasn’t for a while and is still buying Allison flowers and running after her every whim. 

My boy is so whipped it’s actually gone past pathetic, luckily Allison doesnt see it that way. God bless that girl.

  
  
  


**Captains Log Day 24:**

Smelling of Danny was a total failure. Isaac growled at me constantly, left in a huff and refused to speak to anyone.

Cora thought it was hilarious. 

Derek rolled his eyes and Jackson was his usual douchbag self. 

Erica spent the entire day grinning broadly. 

I’m pretty sure I know why and I regret my plan today. I really hope Isaac figures it out soon.

  
  
  


**Captains Log Day 29:**

Isaac still won’t speak to me or Danny. Even Danny’s noticed although he doesn't understand it. Poor boy. 

It feels nice to finally be in the know and not the one questioning everything. 

Scott told me to stop cackling about it. 

I told him to stop sucking up to Allison. She loves him and he’s coming across as pathetic and needy. 

We bro hugged it out and killed loads of zombies.

It was a great day.

Oh and Dior Sauvage just made all the werewolves sneeze. 

It was hilarious.

  
  
  


**Captains Log Day 33:**

Smelling of eau de Jackson was just confusing. Firstly Jackson was surprisingly handsy, like handsy handsy to the point that I’ve blanked several moments from my memory. 

Secondly none of the pack would come near me except Derek who kept looking at me weirdly. As if he was proud? Maybe I’m imagining it. 

I must be imagining it. 

Although he patted my shoulder. I don’t think Derek’s ever touched me before without the intention of bodily harm. 

I can still feel where his hand touched my shoulder.

I’m never showering again.

  
  
  


**Captains Log Day 36:**

Jackson’s become my shadow but I don’t think it has anything to do with the cologne I’ve tried the past two days. He didn’t seem a fan of either but still followed me everywhere.

I ended up giving the cologne a miss today and not because I was feeling guilty that Jackson has spent two days wrinkling his nose but refusing to leave me.

Man cave sea salt shower gel seems to be a hit. Everything fresh like that is really. Just like cologne with black pepper makes them all sneeze. I’m saving wearing it for when they annoy me. Or you know, a special occasion.

  
  
  


**Captains Log Day 38:**

Danny took me to one side demanding to know how and when I’d replaced him as Jackson’s best friend. 

I think he may have given me the best friend shovel talk? Is that a thing? I feel like if it isn’t, it now is.

Idk, but apparently Jackson and I are bff’s now. 

Also Creed Aventus was a waste of money. Meant to be irresistible to women and no one even sniffed me twice.

  
  
  


**Captains Log Day 41:**

Hold the phone! Is that why Derek was so pleased with me? Because I’m somehow Jackson’s bff now?? What the hell???

Although it is awesome! And he brought me a tonne of cologne, so I guess he at least has figured out what I’m up to. I’m guessing the new cologne all passed his sniffer test which kinda takes the fun out of it. Nah, not really, I’m still having a blast.

Scott is still oblivious. It’s no longer funny now but at least he’s stopped giving Allison the puppy dog betrayed look.

  
  
  


**Captains Log Day 44:**

Got a lot of strange looks today, but that might be because people are noticing that Jackson’s being nice to me. And by people I mean Scott. It’s hilarious. He keeps puffing up his chest and testing Jackson’s knowledge of me. I love it!

Unfortunately I don’t think the looks I kept getting could be because of the peppermint and eucalyptus shower gel I wore today. Which is a pity because personally I love it. 

Although Erica kept making breath mint comments aimed at me, but she certainly wasn't avoiding me. 

Boyd actually seemed to like it. 

Isaac’s finally beginning to trust that I’m not secretly lusting after Danny. Which come on, can’t they smell that he’s not the one I’m lusting after?

  
  
  


**Captains Log Day 47:**

Never trust Lydia ever again! That cologne she gave me? Women’s perfume! 

WOMENS PERFUME!! 

Kira recognised it and finally told me after giving me weird looks all day. She’s the only one who said anything. 

I hate them all. 

Except Kira. She’s my favourite.

I’m telling Scott that.

  
  
  


**Captains Log Day 48:**

I take back anything bad I ever said against Lydia, she is still my goddess and the most beautiful woman to ever live. She gave me a different woman’s perfume and it is divine! 

I’m in love with how I smell and Scotty totally thinks I smell of a garden of sunshine!

Even Jackson approved and fell asleep on my shoulder.

Derek worked out topless. Man his muscles, what I would give to touch, err, have muscles like that.

  
  
  


**Captains Log Day 51:**

Derek seems to be working out more but I can’t correlate it to my cologne or body wash. 

Not that I want that to be the reason why Derek is going shirtless more. 

He doesn't need a reason and I don’t need that reason to be me. I can appreciate the view without any biasedness. Derek going shirtless is a gift, wait, what were we talking about? 

I gotta go.

  
  
  


**Captains Log Day 55:**

Derek was apparently stressed that his ex was back in town.

Isaac told me.

At least he’s speaking to me again.

I wonder how long his ex is in town for, he’s still working out.

Dad wants to know why I’m spending all my time round at Derek’s. 

  
  
  


**Captains Log Day 56:**

Derek’s ex is a man!!!!

  
  
  


**Captains Log Day 57:**

Derek’s still stressed.

I’ve found the perfect spot to watch his stress workout.

It’s erm, beneficial, in case I ever decide I have a need to work out.

  
  
  


**Captains Log Day: 60**

Danny finally figured out why Isaac was so upset when I smelt like him. 

I might have told him. 

He asked Isaac out. 

I am the man! And I put it all down to the cologne I was wearing. It started my conversation with Danny. 

Armani Code for the win!

  
  
  


**Captains Log Day: 61**

Derek caught me staring, err, watching him working out. I told him it was for science. Which it was! I mean the experiment is anyway and that’s technically why I was there.

He told me he didn’t like Diesel Only Brave The Wind. It has too much black pepper in it and tickles his nose.

Wait, Derek knows his cologne???

  
  
  


**Captains Log Day 64:**

After Lydia’s success with the cool water perfume for women, I decided to try women’s shower gel. Although why on earth lavender shower gel is aimed at women I’ll never know, what’s so wrong with unisex shower gel? I get that it sells aiming shower gel at different sexes but come on, it’s ridiculous and leads to stupid stereotypes… wait where was I? 

Oh yeah lavender shower gel. Totally works. 

All the werewolves loved being around me. Said I was relaxing them for some reason. Jokes on them, suckers!

Although Derek stayed close. Made me nervous, but in a good way? I don’t know, but my stomach felt funny. I kept my eye on him just in case.

  
  


**Captains Log Day 66:**

Never use that cologne ever again! Jackson liked it way too much and kept sneaking close to nuzzle me. 

Maybe try it stronger tomorrow.

Wait, did I use the Jimmy Choo Man today or the Gucci Guilty?

  
  
  


**Captains Log Day 67:**

Derek keeps looking at me funny. Unsure if it’s because I’ve done something or because of the cologne I’m wearing and if he hates it or loves it. 

Giorgio Armani Aqua di Gio. 

I did think it would appeal to werewolves. Apparently maybe one more than the rest? I dunno. It was weird.

But I feel kinda exhilarated, as if I’ve had a really great day.

  
  
  


**Captains Log Day 69:**

Ran out of shower gel and forgot to put any cologne on. Derek all over me. SUCCESS!!!! Repeat forever! I mean… what?! 

Huh.

  
  
  


**Captains Log Day 70:**

Derek still all over me, we ended up rolling, err, playing in the preserve and I showered at his. Had to use his soap and well, turns out I’m definitely bisexual and definitely in love with Derek Hale. 

The best bit? 

Derek Hale is also definitely in love with one Stiles Stilinski.

BEST DAY EVER!!!

  
  
  


**End of Captains Log.**

  
  
  


**Addendum to Captains Log:**

Best cologne, body spray, shower gel or body wash to use around werewolves? 

None. 

They prefer your natural scent, no matter who or what you are.


End file.
